The not so perk of being a sick wallflower.

YOU BECAME YOUR OWN MASK

There's this wall i built around me when I got SLE. It has been there for quite sometime, until recently it thickened and crash me. 

I have this brave mask face and pretence when I am around people. I act like I know what I'm doing, act as though I don't need other people's help or sympathy. Act as though I am alone is good enough to face the big bad world.

When inside, I am merely this fragile sick girl. Physically sick, emotionally shut with big dreams that hold my thoughts everyday. SLE has made me calculative of what I do,hell, even I have to calculate my own feelings.

The result? You can't just be this empty shell, working around all day without any emotions. Things don't usually turn out the way you want it to be,then you just keep the disappointment inside. Bottle up your feelings when all you want to do is shout "you know what I like you" or maybe "hey i could do this without being so tired the next day". The endless possibilities has become 'could it be possible for me' every day.

Every single day, i put up this mask and it had turn me into someone I don't want to be. Easily irritate due to tiredness, or actually exhaustion will be the accurate word. I AM TIRED,ok? TOO TIRED. Physically drained, emotionally exhausted and too scared to ask for help. The downside of being a serial non-taker when you are actually very sick. Le sigh...

QUIET LIFE AND WALLFLOWER

I dream of a quiet life now. Work has been so gruelling lately. With the viva and crazy hospital schedule I learn quite badly that I need to plan my rest & off day plus like it or not I have to deal with people everyday.

I learn quickly too how words travel by mouth can really turn things ugly. Gee, I did try not to get involve in stupid rumours or gossip or actually mengumpat. I run away from the place immediately. But hey, people just love spreading bad things about other people right? Sadly, right. I still keep my mouth shut tightly and hope Allah will clear my name up with the truth. For now, I just sabar and pray hard that my name will be cleared and whoever had bad-mouth me will face Allah's judgement. I am no perfect human being either, but I know what I said and what I didn't said. 

I just wish that person will learn her/his lesson and I already forgive but never forget. 

So much for wanting a quiet life and being a sick wallflower right???

ASKING FOR JUSTICE?

The world seems a wrong place to ask for justice right now. I read it somewhere "asking for justice in this world is like asking a lion not to eat you because you don't eat lion". Crap.

I might as well be the lion. 

I longed for a place where I could be love and accepted. Right now, home is my safest sanctuary. I could be in my worst state of sickness and feel safe. As for my career, I'm still searching a job that I am happy to be doing everyday,plus handsomely paid too. 

Hey it's achievable right?

P/S: I'm trying to be positive so hard right now. I do,and I need to admit that I learn how to ask for people's help. It nearly scared me too much when I first asked for help. And I do it in a very wrong way. Sorry colleagues, I learn to be a better communicator next time. Wish me luck!

ON HUMILITY & MATURITY

THE LEARNING PROCESS

One thing about work I learned is seniority. It was a really shocking experience for me. The truth I never expect work would bring the best and worst of me. I have always seen bossess are just boss. A position with powers and great temptation. I actually never cared about that until I have the experience of how bad or good a work politics can become.

As usual I would definitely do my job with vision of wanting to do it because it's an amanah from Allah. I applied the concept of God is my CEO since pleasing people are more difficult than pleasing humans. I understand the concept from the start and keep my nose down and chin clean.

But people can be...people. You may do your work as best as you can, or as ikhlas as you want. My vision of my job is to see it as God entrusts responsibility and achieve almost perfect work done. Well, that is an individual vision.

Then,something happen. I grow up and began to clearly to see what is seniority is all about. What is a position from another person view. What is the meaning of 'kerja bawah orang'.

No wonder,when most people come back from overseas they are told to mums the word, this is Malaysia. Or keep opinion about it or in other term,shut up and just do your work.

I had a friend who told me that: 'if your bossess want you to be stupid,then be stupid.'

And the truth, I don't wanna be stupid,so I just play stupid then.

THE HUMBLE EXPERIENCE

I've just finished watching 'THE HELP' movie. It's liberating and at the same time it gives a really good point. Courage is something that you need to use it wisely. And I am in the learning process of humility, understanding what is work politics and how to manage it properly.

It's one thing when "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all", then there's this one thing, "Don't let people bullied you around." You are the one in-charge when it comes to this matter.

Too many arguments will definitely score you the target list to be put down or too nice,you become the doormat where people just 'pijak' you.

Balance, and skills to avoid trouble are necessities to survive. But surviving is not enough, you need to know who is the real person you are dealing with. And a very good soft skills to deal with people around you, which in this term please use it for good things not to use people around you.

Of course,there are many examples out there I'm sure. People who talks nice in front of you,when actually he/she is the one reporting bad things to your colleagues/bossess. Double face, back-stabber or gossipers name it you will get it. This is the real world people. A very real world.

And I thank God for my brother's sarcastic remarks when I told him I will be starting to work: " Welcome to the real world".

Indeed....

WISE, COURAGE, RESPONSIBLE & GOVERNMENT SERVANTS

I'm a government servant indeed. I work from 8am to 5 pm, with extra amount night calls 5pm-10pm and supernight shift from 10.00pm-8.00am. I work hard and smart,accept my responsibilities to serve patients at hospital trying my best to provide a very good healthcare.

And yes, I am human too. I need my sleep, rest, food, I am bound to have feelings just like every normal human beings. And I make mistakes despite always double checked and learn from my previous mistakes. I feel tired,angry and sometimes sad too. I have SLE,chronic illness disease, fears of my health and my kidney, trying the best to fulfil emotional needs as a normal beings and pushing away the concept of perfections. I have my best,worst,the good and the bad qualities of any normal human being.

I am constantly improving myself to achieve my goal which is 'berjaya dunia akhirat'. Don't simply judge me when you are the only one who knows how is it being you and could care less of how is it being me. We are who we are and we definitely have different perspective. 

I'm currently enjoying my everyday learning process,only this time much wiser. I still keep my mouth shut and yes, avoid office politics as much as I can. You can only control so much as you can,but then things could turn haywire and ruin your plans.

But I believe Allah has His reasons. And I'm grateful to learn it early and plan my careful steps in the future. I always plan to win the war,never the battle.  

To be told the truth is the most important things eventhough it hurts. But learn this, the truth does hurt but it is always better than lies.

So,I am determine to work hard for Allah, and as sincere as I can. InsyaAllah. And I am learning, happily and with more humility. =)

OUR DEAREST PRANK BRIDAL SHOWER.;)

LE PRANK MASTER

Alhamdulillah,September seems calm enough with all the stress of sending logbooks and final preparation to become full registered pharmacist. I actually manage to steal time for Yanie's bridal shower. She is our dearest friend and is the most kind heart person I had become lucky to be friends with. Sincere and positive too. Bless you Yanie, for all the love Allah surround you with.

SInce she is the master of prank,(believe me she is) the 2 mastermind Namie and Wina had a foolproof plan to kidnap the bride-to-be and bring her to the secret location. Hehe... Namie's backyard. IT WAS SUPER AWESOME since they had decorated it with star shaped lampu lip-lap. Hehe...here are some pics for you guys to enjoy. =)

THE AWESOME BRIDAL PARTY

It was my first experience ever actually. I don't know the details but I do read about it at Vivy's proudduck.com. Her blog is awesome. ^^. Okay2, I get back to original stories. We actually had quite fun and had customized the bridal shower to suits muslimah's theme. 

Look at the door gift we got!! =D

I'm loving the muslimah's bridal shower theme since we shared bits of meaningful ayat Quran and hadith among us. Plus the food was SO SEDAP!! You can never beat homecooked meal ok? Esspecially when you make it with love and ikhlas. 

Yanie got a lot of presents although there are some naughty ones. Aip!! when I mean naughty it is still within the baik range ok? Bukan naughty bukan2. We know our limits.

THE MEANINGFUL CELEBRATION OF UKHWAH

But you know what, the best thing about this whole bridal shower stuff is about being there for someone you love. Because after this she will be exploring a whole new world, marriage, family-in-laws events, being wifey, pregnancy and a whirlwind experience that need attention which our dearest friend will soon enough be busy and we would understand how important to respect her time.

This is not goodbye, this is a celebration of a whole new experience of being a woman in this world created by Allah. We are her friends, we will always be supportive regardless near or far. Maybe physically distant but in our hearts we are always close. With Doa and deep understanding we organised this bridal shower for her. 

So our dearest Yanie, may the ukhwah always grow and become strong, even we as Muslim woman changes our roles as time comes. Know this, our ukhwah is based on Allah, thus we always pray and wish the best for you. May Allah will always be with us. Ameen.

p/s: we had fun with the games that Namie and Wina had stored for us. These 2 people are the best moderator ever!=)

The price to pay.

TOP PLAYER

I never consider myself as the top player. I'm average. I knew that in the deepest corner of my heart I have to strive harder, work smarter and prove every single way that I'm worth to be in the league. But at what cost? Why sacrifice? Why I am so intend to work my butt off to give my best when there are people around me always thinks or said that I'm not good enough. That I have never make it to their par. Who are these people to graded you and life or to standardize the achievements?

I have never been so intrigued in my life to actually immerse in this type of rat race in my career life. Nor accept it blindly,because I wanted things around me to be better. Career is not my life but just a part of it. Can I really have it all?

This question has been bugging me this whole month. The truth I want to love what I do and be happy about it. I want to be able to work with others, to put deeper meaning in my career, to stabilize it to a point where I can evolved and be a better person at the same time fulfill my duty as His servant. To be able to differentiate what is important in life other than materials and prizes. I want to achieve balance,love and harmony in every aspect of my life. To say it is easy,to achieve it,is another thing.

Plus with SLE the challenges double. My priority is my health. Because I never want to burden me or anyone at all by being sick and immobilized. Percayalah menjadi manusia sakit sebenarnya sangat menduga tetapi Allah masih benarkan sy menjalani kehidupan dgn baik. Masih mampu bekerja,mampu menyara diri sendiri dan saya tidak suka menyusahkan sesiapa. Diuji oleh penyakit sebegini dan dalam mengejar cinta cita-cita sy perlu realistik. Sangat realistik.

BALANCE,BALANCE,BALANCE

Whatever definition,decisions or actions I took or about to take must be for His please. I am His mere servant bound to His rule and responsibility. Yet I am human. I make mistakes, learn from it and move on by being a better person. 

Percaya atau tidak, saya suka pd kata-kata " Kehebatan terletak pd kesederhanaan". Itulah fakta kehidupan saya. Saya cinta pd kesederhanaan. Kerana pd kesederhanaan ada ketenangan. Tenang, itu yg sy kejar sbnrnya. Tapi bukan kehidupanlah namanya jika tiada tribulasi, cabaran dan kekalutan. Mencari tenang dlm kehidupan merupakan satu cabaran. 

Sayakah yg tidak realistik atau sebenarnya ada jalan penyelesaian cuma perlu pada inisiatif proaktif. Skrip kehidupan manusia memang sudah ada di Lauh Mahfuz tetapi pilihan kita tetap memainkan peranan penting.PILIHAN. Merupakan satu perkataan mudah tetapi sangat mempengaruhi kehidupan. Hidup ini merupakan kelas pembelajaran yg punya ruang pilihan dan improvement yg besar. Setiap pilihan sy ada juga silapnya, walau tujuannya ingin mencapai keredhaan Rabb.

KEJAYAAN ADA HARGANYA.

Mengejar kejayaan dunia dan akhirat memerlukan pengorbanan di peringkat awal. Bak pepatah melayu, bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian. Jika inginkan kemanisan syurga maka mesti menelan pahitnya ujian dunia.

Saya sedang memahami konsep 'the price to pay'. Kerana apa jua jenis kejayaan pun, pasti ada harganya. Apatah lagi kejayaan dunia akhirat beserta mengekalkan kesihatan diri yg diuji.  Semoga Allah memberi jawapan dan menguatkan minda,hati serta iman utk mem'bayar' harga kejayaan ini. Ameen...

"‎"When I pretend to be strong, no one sees my hidden tears except Allah. When I'm sad and need a shoulder to cry on, no one supports me but Allah. Pleasing a human is very difficult, pleasing Allah is the easiest. People sometimes punish me for mistakes I have not done, Allah ignores and excuses the one that i did. This is Allah, The Greatest, The Most Almighty, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful, and all praises belongs to Him.-Tariq Ramadhan"

Ramadhan: strive for progress not perfection.

A BIT BUMPY RIDE

It has been a bit bumpy ride for me this Ramadhan. Super tired and 2 episodes of vomit. Not to mention crazy work schedule thanks to the biggest misunderstanding ever. Oh well... I tried to be proactive instead of blaming people. Really blaming other person won't get the problem solved,it just create more problem. Le sigh.....

Series of unfortunate events occurred when our house has been broken in by burglars. Damn you burglars!! 

Lucky we took with us balik kampung all the priceless items but now I lost my main laptop that I bought 6 years ago. Gee.... Am not so happy since I have all my important presentations and work files in there. Dugaan dari Allah..maybe Dia nak tegur us since I am soooo busy and neglecting few of my sunat routine that I practiced since highschool. Allah, please forgive me.

Ramadhan this time is not so perfect for me, but there are progress. I am able to bayar zakat fitrah for myself now.=) Plus am happy to buka puasa with family everyday although work schedule is super crazy. My research went well although I have to admit I got a bit roller coaster ride in finishing it. Oh well, am not a perfect person but hey I DID GIVE MY VERY BEST. =) 

Mum says, we have to pasang niat kerja sebab Allah and must be able to be professional at every level. I'm beginning to understand what she really meant. I am learning and finding balance in this challenging career. I hope I could find my stable ground and able to work with everybody professionally. There will always be challenges at work be it negative co-workers, uncooperative members, or just the nature of the work. But I am happy to say I love my job and learning something new everyday. Now I just want to strive for the best to please Allah and able to be a useful khalifah in this world. For this, I am grateful.

Thank you Allah, Thank you. =)

p/s: tak sempat lansung nak pg shopping raya. But I got my cuti awal sooo no complaint there. Hehe.... Oh ya, SELAMAT HARI RAYA PEEPS!!! XD

Super busy? Nope. It's life.

BEING MUSLIMAH EMPOWERED

It's been a hectic month for me. June was so full that I need to learn how to STOP & BREATHE.Alhamdulillah,July seems to be quite peaceful and calm. Well, come to think of it, the real meaning of July is research month  of HTAR.

Yep,so much of peace and calm huh? But I need to do this. I need to finish things that I started. So, June brought Muslimah Empowered event at MARTRADE center. I am blessed to meet with such wonderful speaker. Sis Yasmin Mogahed, Sis Raya Softkatland, Sis Wardina and Mercy Mission Brother Tawfik, Sheikh Yahya and Sis Myriam Francoise. 

The bazaar, spa treatment(facial,pedi and manicure) plus entire day of talk by sisters were a good experience. Alhamdulillah. I got the chance to prayed with Sis Raya for maghrib prayer. Am thankful to Allah for the wonderful experience. 

FRIENDS,BIRTHDAY, WEDDINGS,LIFE

I don't want to talk about work. Please. Not now. Today is Saturday and I need my mind,heart and body to rest. Plus SLE won't let me be the outing type of gal,just the indoor type. Oh well, am happy to admit that me and hi-tea is couple made in heaven. Me and 'keluar jalan2 crazy explorer' are well....errr...just not my cup of tea.Talk about tea-I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY TEA EVER!!!!

Thank you Mar and Imah for superb belanja birthday tea. I promise next time is my treat. We are gonna go CAFE HUNTING!!! Heee...of course I would love to experience Levaine Boulangerie,but it is in KL and driving to KL is just....nantilah...

Plus today,just met my primary school bestfriend Aisyah at her wedding. Gee..so much time had passed that I miss her so much. Although reunion is not recommended at weddings,short gathering yes. Not a long let's meet and chat. Cause really people, it's a wedding for god's sake!

ME TIME....tsk..tskk....

I miss my 'me time'. I love being the quiet gal. It's like having the perk of being a wallflower. Yeah,sounds familiar? Of course it's a title of a book and indie film. And I need that,really,really,REALLY NEED THAT.

Need to cari my inner peace again. Hopefully by the end of July I manage to get my research done and raya happily. Yep,for now I must finished all my kerja. InsyaAllah....

BUKAN ROBOT TAPI MANUSIA!

TOUGHER

Menguatkan diri menghadapi realiti merupakan satu latihan ketat yg azali sejak bergelar pesakit SLE. Semua keputusan,baik melibatkan kerjaya,hidup hatta cinta sekalipun perlu menitik beratkan betapa lemahnya fizikal sy ini.

 Ujian kesihatan yg memberi kesan kpd fizikal memberi saya beberapa pilihan utk terus kuat. Mental,emosi dan rohani. Ya, 3 elemen kuat membantu 1 elemen yang diuji. Sungguh Allah itu benar-benar Maha Pengasih dan Adil. Kuatnya kuasa minda benar-benar mampu membantu menghadapi hidup yg serba mencabar.

Sekarang menumpukan pd menguatkan emosi dan rohani pula. Memilih utk menjadi bujang sementelah rakan sekeliling mula naik pelamin bukan ujian calang-calang. Bohong hati tak terusik, juga sunyinya ujian menyendiri. Tetapi entah kenapa tenang juga menerima takdir ini. Barangkali sy sedang belajar kekuatan redhanya sekeping hati dan berusaha mencari bahagia dgn cinta nombor satu iaitu pada Ilahi. Juga barangkali Allah sedang melatih rohani utk bahagia walau teruji. Indah, bila diri dilatih realiti.

Cuma,sy akui alangkah penuhnya hidup ini jika mampu bekerja dan belajar dalam keadaan sihat. Impian menjelajah bumi asing, menyumbang pd persatuan ilmu dan memperbaiki diri dgn menghadiri majlis ilmu merupakan dambaan utama selain bekerja dgn bersungguh-sungguh. Sy sedang mempersiap diri utk menggapai impian dalam realiti kehidupan.

Alhamdulillah, hanya Dia tunjang kekuatan diri. Juga terima kasih kepada ibu,ayah,keluarga dan sahabat yg merupakan penyokong kuat serta sumber inspirasi. Ya, IsnyaAllah melepasi dugaan terbesar kali ini melatih emosi menerima qada dan qadar. Betapa menerima qada & qadar itu mudah disebut berbanding menghadapinya.

MENCARI REDHA CINTA

BUKAN TAK MAHU MENULIS LAGI

Pejam celik,pejam celik sudah masuk hampir 6 bulan menjalani kehidupan bekerja. Penat yg dialami bukan calang-calang kerana hospital tempat bekerja merupakan hospital besar yg mempunyai jumlah pesakit yg ramai.

Ditambah dengan beban kerja yang benar-benar mencabar. Badan diuji 100% maksimum sehingga 3 minggu ini badan saya mogok ingin berehat.

Hypergastric secretion. Cough and flu for 2 weeks. Baru-baru ni nausea and vomiting. Semua simptom menyatakan badan saya penat melampau dan inginkan rehat. Sedangkan dunia kerjaya bukan seperti belajar yang cutinya diperhati oleh pihak majikan dan dipantau ketat. Malah saya tidak berani cuti sangat kerana bimbang banyak perkara yang boleh dipelajari akan tertinggal dek sibuk mengejar cuti.

Juga,bimbang SLE akan buat hal tiba-tiba dan menuntut masa cuti yang panjang. Nah! 3 minggu berturut-turut saya kalah dengan tuntutan kesihatan yang turun mendadak akibat kelalaian mendalami dunia kerja. Benarlah kata orang,kesihatan itu satu nikmat yang tak terhingga. Barangkali Tuhan juga mahu menegur saya yang semakin alpa menyelesai tuntutan dunia lalu gagal seimbang dgn tuntutan akhirat.

Allah,maafkanlah hamba-Mu ini...

MENEGUR DIRI DAN MENJAGA HATI

Berurusan dgn manusia dalam alam pekerjaan sgt melelahkan kadang2. Sukar memujuk diri membuatkan sy terlepas pandang. Badan yg terlalu penat, sukar tidur malam dan sakit-sakit badan menerjah sekaligus membuatkan emosi mudah saja nak meletup.

Saya bukan Khadijah bt Khuwailid. Juga bukan Fatimah bt Muhammad. Jauh sekali diri saya ini dengan wanita-wanita hebat zaman Rasulullah. Tetapi ada hati nak mencontohi mereka sedang kerdil benar iman dibanding dgn wanita solehah era zaman Nabi.

Kecekalan mereka,kesabaran dan kekuatan mereka amat tinggi. Saya baru nak mendaki. Betapa sukarnya saya memujuk hati menerima takdir Ilahi. Cinta sy pd ilmu, pd sebuah kehidupan berkasih-sayang diuji begitu kuat sekali.

Diterjah ujian fizikal kesihatan dan emosi benar-benar melumpuhkan semangat seketika. Jika tiada Allah barangkali sy masih berlinang air mata. Tetapi bukankah keputusan sy agar mengorbankan cinta manusia demi cinta Ilahi yg hakiki?

Saya pujuk diri berkali-kali. Memohon agar Tuhan kasihankan saya, membantu sy melepaskan perasaan cinta duniawi agar kelak sy beroleh cinta hakiki. Agar Tuhan menunjukkan hikmah,menjaga diri dan membimbing perasaan fitrah berkasih-sayang agar lebih ikhlas dan kukuh suatu hari nanti.

Sungguh, saya jauh dari Rabiatul Adawiyah. Saya belum cukup kuat. Tetapi saya masih dan sentiasa bermohon untuk menjadi lebih kuat walau badai ujian melanda bertubi-tubi. Cuma sy minta sekali ini, maafkanlah sy Tuhan kerana rindu masih melekat di hati. Sungguh sy manusia biasa yg dilanda perasaan fitrah. Lepaskan sy dari beban rindu manusiawi agar sy redhai ujian terhebat kali ini.

Semoga Tuhan mengasihani diri dan menguatkan pengorbanan demi sebuah cinta hakiki.

tenggelam dunia kerjaya

MENGEJAR SEBUAH CINTA DAN CITA-CITA

Seingat saya,bidang farmasi tak pernah menerjah ruang pemikiran cita-cita usia kanak2 saya. Tak pernah juga menjadi pilihan ketika saya sibuk mengejar kejayaan alam sekolah mahupun matrikulasi.

Dan sy bergelar ahli farmasi sekarang. Mencari makna dalam sebuah kerjaya. Antara cinta sy pada ilmu dan takdir, Allah yg lebih berkuasa dalam hal ini.

Cuma satu saja doa saya yg diulang berkali-kali. Berilah sy kejayaan dunia dan akhirat. Berilah sy kejayaan dunia dan akhirat. Itu doa sy. Sehingga nyawa di hujung pun itu masih doa saya.

Sy tenggelam dgn kesibukan sepanjang hampir 5 bulan dalam bidang kerja. Di hospital tempat bertugas,segala yg termampu sy lakukan. Dalam kesibukan sy mencari makna. Jika duit yg sy kejar maka motivasinya sgt sekejap, malah menyeksakan.

Sy masih mencari. Mencari makna sebuah pekerjaan ditakdirkan Ilahi.

KERJA ITU IBADAH

Menjadikan kerja itu ibadah memudahkan operasi memujuk hati,minda dan jiwa jika badan sy dilanda penat yg teramat.

Musuh utama saya, penat yg terlampau atau dalam bahasa medical dikenali extreme fatigue. Kata mama, kita ini manusia kerdil sebenarnya lemah, yang kuatnya hanya semangat. Saya akui, penat sy kadang2 melampau tambah dengan SLE.

Dugaan terbesar saya. Penat fizikal mampu mengubah pertimbangan kadang2. Saya akui kadang2 sy tak mampu juga kawal emosi dan terlepas pandang. Banyak lagi yg perlu audit diri ni.Saya sedang dan masih mencuba, hingga sy berjaya. Mengejar cinta dan cita-cita nan satu itu.

Semoga Tuhan mengasihani saya dan menunjukkan jalan.

Agar sy menjadi mampu menjadi hamba-Nya yg berjaya serba-serbi dunia akhirat. Ya,semoga.

p/s: Tahniah untuk orang yg pernah saya cinta di atas pernikahannya. Saya telah serahkan cinta saya pd Dia,maafkan sy andai sy tak cukup kuat berjuang demi sebuah cinta manusia. Barangkali jodoh kita memang tidak ada. Saya doakan kamu bahagia sentiasa.

missing.=)

WANDERING ABOUT

Maaf jika sudah lama tidak update. =) Sy benar-benar berehat cuti kali ini. Menyelongkar minda dan jiwa. Sy sedang mencari identiti dewasa.

Jadi cuti ini dihabiskan dgn berkunjung keluarga rapat,sanak saudara yg kebetulan mengambil peluang balik ke Malaysia setelah bertahun-tahun di negara orang. Membaca buku yg tidak sempat sy hadam ketika pengajian dulu. Terbaru sy taksub dgn Khalil Gibran dan Dr, Tony Zeiss. Kebanyakan buku mengenai membina peribadi, etika pekerjaan dan motivasi kerjaya.

Turut menghabiskan masa di perpustakaan baru Shah Alam dan menghabiskan kutipan data research di PPUM. Alhamdulillah..... sy berjaya mendapatkan 71 responden dan bakal menghadiri MPS konferens di Kuala Lumpur. Langkah kecil yg bermakna sebelum mengambil langkah besar yg penting.

CAREER PLANNING

Kerjaya atau career planning banyak mewarnai cuti saya. Saya mengumpul maklumat, bercakap dgn orang-orang yg berada dalam bidang yg ingin sy ceburi dan merangka perjalanan kerjaya.

Pada masa yg sama cuba membaiki peribadi diri sendiri,kerana maklum bakal masuk kerja November ini. Sejuta satu macam perangai manusia yg bakal sy hadapi. Semoga Allah membantu saya.... Ameen.

I Believe. =)

KEPERCAYAAN,KEYAKINAN.

Baru saja selesai sesi ceramah di Yayasan Restu. Melalui video Solat Terindah oleh Ustaz Kamal, baru sy tahu yg ketika Al-Fatihah dibaca dalam solat,Allah berinteraksi dgn hamba-Nya. Dan solat itu separuh utk hamba-Nya dan separuh utk Allah. Harap-harap sy dpt jumpa video ustaz Kamal utk dikongsi.

p/s: Sy kongsikan video ni dulu ya? =)

Jadual Ramadhan.

PAGI DAN SETERUSNYA

Melatih diri tidur tepat jam 12 malam dan bangun 5 pagi bukan saja penting untuk Ramadhan malah bulan selepasnya,kerana bakal memulakan kerja di awal pagi. Waktu sahur dan waktu berbuka kali ini terasa sangat meriah kerana hampir semua ahli keluarga sy ada. Kecuali Along yg bertugas di Petronas Miri. Alhamdulillah beliau merancang cuti seminggu sebelum raya. ^^

Ramadhan,ialah bulan istimewa keluarga kami. Waktu kami benar2 dapat duduk makan bersama dan berinteraksi. Selalunya selesai buka puasa kami sama-sama ke Masjid Besar Shah Alam untuk terawih. Siang hari kami meneman Mama ke pusat Islam Yayasan Restu untuk ceramah dan tadarus Al-Quran. Sibuk di bulan Ramadhan lebih menenangkan berbanding bulan-bulan lain. Berkatnya bulan Ramadhan.

SLE DAN PUASA

Berpuasa memberi cabaran tersendiri buat saya. SLE akan hanya buat perangai jika saya tidak menjaga makan dan tidur. Tak dapat sy bayangkan bagaimana jika saya sudah bekerja di bulan Ramadhan. Maklum saya akan mula bekerja September ini selepas raya. Kesempatan masa yg ada sy mahu mengisi Ramadhan ini dgn baik.

Semalam migrain menyerang dgn teruk. Sy sudah maklum. Ini gejala biasa yg sy alami. Asalkan sy dapat tahan sehingga waktu berbuka itu sudah cukup baik. Dugaan sakit sy masih kecil berbanding orang lain di luar sana. Sy bersyukur Allah bagi peluang sy menjalani ibadah Ramadhan. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih baik dari Ramadhan sebelumnya. Ameen.

p/s: Banyak rancangan best waktu Ramadhan ni. Jejak Rasul TV3 di Rusia, Syahadah TV1, Palestin Oasis, Tanyalah Ustaz TV9. Dokumentari terbaik! =D

Blog untuk ahli farmasi.

TO BE PREPARED

I found out about a very useful blog while updating news on PRP facebook group. A very good blog indeed. It shares information on the real working life of a pharmacist and written by Mr. Syahrir bin Zaini, UIA graduate now working as Pegawai Farmasi in Johore.

Personally I admire his effort and felt relief as I am actually quite scared to start working . You see, I am not the creme de la creme in pharmacy faculty. Just a typical plain jane who have to strive smart and hard to get my degree in Pharmacy course. Plus with SLE it double the effort in everything. So for my friends I post this entry to share about the blog and hopefully we could empower our career as pharmacist. InsyaAllah..=)

Blog Rahsia Farmasi

p/s:sharing is caring!=)

A song for you.

WATCHING CELINE DION-THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD

Sometimes when I don't know how to express what I really feel, I sing or read a poem. This song-is for all the people I care and love,especially for my family. On my 24th birthday this July, I celebrated it with my family,dining and appreciating the moment together. It's been a quite an extraordinary journey for me and my family. Battling SLE,struggling for a degree and finding Allah's blessing. I am grateful. Alhamdulillah...very grateful. So this song for you Mum & Dad.

p/s: Hope you like it too.=)

Konsisten mengejar cinta.

TERIMA KASIH

Sy menerima emel drpd pembaca blog di email yahoo. Sy menghargainya. Sangat menghargainya. Terima kasih kepada seorang senior UITM dan kenalan librarian dari UIAM. Email kalian ada sy baca dan saya masih kesuntukan masa untuk menjawabnya. Sy mahu menjawab dgn hati yg penuh perhatian seperti kalian juga menulis emel itu dgn penuh prihatin. Seboleh-bolehnya sy mahu begitu.

Sepanjang minggu ini saya menyelesaikan kerja berkaitan research dan hal keluarga. Ditambah flu yg tiba-tiba menyerang menyebabkan sy batalkan beberapa aktiviti luar. Cadangnya mahu singgah lama di Pesta Buku SACC tetapi sy hanya sempat singgah dalam beberapa jam saja. Tak sempat nak tinjau buku baru yg dilancarkan. Tak apalah,sy sempat tengok buku yang saya kehendaki dan berkira-kira mahu membelinya Ahad ini. Ya,hadiah buat diri sendiri ketika ulangtahun nanti.=)

Buku kewangan,buku motivasi,informasi terkini tentang badan NGO dan tentunya potongan harga buku yg dinanti. Minggu ini biarlah kesihatan saya pulih betul-betul dahulu. Ahad ini sy mahu meraikan diri. 9 tahun hidup dgn SLE,24 tahun baru mengabdi diri pd Pencipta dan baru kini bergelar graduan ijazah. Perjalanan masih panjang. Sy mahu konsisten mengejar cita-cita. Juga,konsisten mengejar cinta. Salam berehat buat semua.=)

p/s: Mahu tonton TV9,6.30 ptg utk melihat vlogger matluthfi. Video beliau memang bestlah! hehe...

manage me. manage pain.

STUCK ON YOU
*iklan sebentar: saya nak buku ni puhleeeaaaseee!!^^ hehe...well I will try to find it in any bookstores.Happy hunting books for me.love~<3

Ever since the doctors ask me to stop steroid treatment,I've been trying to cut half all my pred tabs.And...well my health is ok but my limbs & joints are in deep pain. Imagine having muscle pain everyday and try to walk down the stairs with one leg.

I'm stuck with pain all day. Nice. Well,I have to figure out how to live with it. And mum just add a very good supplement to my almost-full-supplement-medication-regiment. Monavie juices. It consist of a very rich antioxidant berry called the acai berry from Amazon,plus with other 18 antioxidants fruits.

Plus I can sleep well at night now and wake up feeling fresh in the morning. Alhamdulillah... I am now in serious mood of vacation. And although I have to add up data for research stuff (yikes!!) UMMC seems to be very serious of outsiders now. I wonder why...oh well,I just try my best and see what happen.

p/s: I can't type smoothly now,since my right hand are numb and painful. Well,let me learn how to type fast with left hand.^^ Practise make puuurrrfect!

suddenly.pack.=)

Life is not just about finding who you are,

It is

Also about creating who you are.

p/s: currently pack with research work. Busy? Not much. I'm just enjoying some good time. InsyaAllah,I'll be writing again for more. Writing helps to make me see the world better. And who knows?

Experience awesome.=)

CREDIT TO EVERYONE

When I got to Stellar Studio in SOHO Empire Gallery,the atmosphere was all about fashion expression. Love it.view from the 2nd floor
After I posted pictures on facebook bout the event,my friends initiated the curiosity and wanted to know more. Plus it was a good experience for me and my lil sis. We got to meet people,observe how they dress and express themselves in creative way. Blogging has open an entirely new world,experience and networking.

Kudos to everyone involve and we hope to see more of this in the future. Wishing you all the best!^^

Oh ya, I post the flyer too. You can see all the bloggers involve. ^^ Get to know them and have fun!=)

p/s:I posted on how fashion in faith can empower women before. My article focus on how women,hijab,religion and fashion entwine. Well,it is hard to believe the combination,no objection there. I wanted to focus on how the perspective can evolve and become better. That's all. If you agree or disagree,it is all up to yourself. I am in no business to persuade or argue. After all, we all are free to believe in what we choose to believe, right?

Fashion in faith-Empowering women.

BERJUMPA HANA TAJIMA

Sy bersyukur. Berjumpa dgn seorang wanita tabah yang memilih Islam sbg kepercayaanya dalam dunia serba mencabar ini. Bukan mudah. Dalam dunia high fashion terutama di negara minoriti Islam bukan mudah menginterpretasikan pemakaian muslimah.

Hijab,menjadi isu besar di negara barat. Bayangkan ini: Di Perancis wanita dibenarkan mendedahkan payudara tetapi purdah diharamkan. Pelik? Ya. Tapi benar.

Saya menyatakan rasa gembira dan bersyukur amat sangat kepada beliau. Jenama internasional yg menekankan pemakaian hijab berfesyen masih muda,tetapi punya potensi besar. Bermula dengan penyanyi Yunalis Zarai yg memperagakan hijab pelbagai gaya di Malaysia,fesyen berjilbab terus menempa nama.

Persoalan ini pula timbul: Sejauh mana fesyen pakaian muslimah ini mematuhi syara' (atau dalam bahasa mudah,syarat-syarat agama Islam?

MELIHAT SUDUT UNTUK PERKEMBANGAN LEBIH POSITIF
Ya, saya faham. Lilitan hijab di kepala sudah pelbagai gaya sehingga sesiapa pun boleh menonton tutorial shawl di You Tube. Pin atas,bawah,tengah,tepi,senget dan macam-macam lagi. Ia satu perkembangan yg menarik tetapi diselit komen-komen yang kadangkala membunuh kreativiti dan ruang perkembangan positif.

Ini pendapat peribadi ya: Saya bersyukur kerana adanya perkongsian memakai tudung pelbagai gaya yang sopan,menarik dan mematuhi syara'.

Tunggu: Ada yg tidak menutup dada? Kenapa pula ada yg menampakkan rambut? Ada yg nampak leher??

Lihat,ini ruang yang boleh dibaiki. Ambil pendekatan yg membaik pulih bukankah lebih banyak fesyen tudung yg mematuhi syara' akan muncul lagi? Silakan komen membina bukan komen menghina!

UKHWAH YG DIBINA
Berjumpa dengan pemilik Shop SPUTNIKSWEETHEART juga merupakan agenda utama saya keyika menghadiri bloggers fashion sale.

Kak Ami Schaheera,merupakan inspirasi alam maya dari aspek kehidupan dan berfesyen. Sy menghormati beliau yang memiliki kekuatan seteguh konkrit. Diuji dengan penyakit kanser tidak mematahkan beliau untuk terus berjuang untuk hidup. Malah inspirasi fesyen bertudung beliau melalui Sputniksweetheart boleh dibanggakan. Jujur,sy harap dapat mengenali lebih dekat lagi dan sentiasa mendoakan yg terbaik untuk beliau.

Turut berjumpa dengan 2 lagi fashion bloggers yg saya kagumi, Ms Adriani Adnan dan Ms Shea Rasol dari Pastelina. Jenama ini menempa nama apabila maxi skirt mereka mendapat perhatian dalam rancangan Wanita Hari Ini. Tahniah! Masih muda,berbakat dan punya potensi untuk menghidupkan fesyen Muslimah di Malaysia.

Mana tahu, kita mampu mengikut jejak Dian Pelangi dari Indonesia yg mendapat liputan BBC.

p/s: Oh ya,malu pula mahu nyatakan ini: Saya adalah seorang yg sederhana dalam fesyen,malah lebih gemar santai saja. Berminat terhadap perkembangan fesyen muslimah kerana bidang ini mampu memberi input positif mengenai Islam dan wanita di seluruh dunia. Juga sudah tidak mahu membayar mahal utk memiliki baju yg sentiasa tak cukup kain serta sendat melampau!

Andreanism-EDENSOR

BERMIMPILAH!

Aku ingin hidup! Aku ingin merasa sari pati hidup!

Sy memeluk karya Edensor,buku pertama Andrea Hirata yg dibeli. Sebelum ini terlalu sibuk mengejar pencarian kerja sementara. Dan esok bakal melawat kampung sebelum ditelan kesibukan yg benar-benar sibuk.

Andrea Hirata mengajar sy bermimpi semula. Kerana sy ini pernah dikecewa oleh sebuah cinta terhadap cita-cita, sy takut mengharap lagi. Barangkali sy tidak mahu mengalami nasib yg serupa. Atau sebenarnya sy belum bersedia utk bermimpi lagi.

Aneh,sy sebak membaca novel Edensor. Ini kerana kesungguhan penulis ini mengejar impiannya. Menolak seribu mahupun sejuta alasan mengejar mimpi-mimpinya.

Dari daerah kecil Belitong entah dari mana ke benua Eropah,mengejar sebuah cita-cita.


MIMPI-MIMPI SAYA

Sy sudah pun di satu garisan penamat ciptaan dunia sy sendiri. Baru habis perjuangan mendapat degree. Sungguh,sewaktu mencari kerja sementara di sekeliling bandar,sy seperti tiada arah tuju lagi. Hambar hidup ini. Tanpa mimpi-mimpi.

Terdengar-dengar dialog Rapunzel dari filem Tangled karya Disney

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: It will be.
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

Mungkin benar. Sudah tiba masanya. Sy bermimpi lagi.

Bermimpilah,kerana Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpi kita -Edensor, Andrea Hirata.