Friday, December 3, 2010

Never been static - 'decemberness'

TIGER/TJ/TIGER J
Got a new member in our family. I guess it is always us to consider pet as family member. I know. Typical pet owner. Still,we are happy to have him. Named it Tiger because he has nice stripe and golden orange fur.

FIGURING AND HOPING

Enjoying my holiday. Well,let's just say I am still working on my research (hopefully can get 100 respondent) and will submit my real finished result and discussion by January.

The good news is I could accomplish my data collection minus exam stress and SLE attack. Alhamdulillah. Now it's me and the patients. InsyaAllah by end of December I could get 100 respondent and run proper test and kick-ass all my panel judge during last semester viva by producing a good research and thesis.
Another good thing is now,I do things because it's for me. I do things because I want to. I realize last semester I try to fulfill everyone expectation but me. Now,it's different. I EXPECT ME TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY,BECAUSE I WANT TO.

This simple stuff make my entire perception on life much better now. Because now I understand deeply that in life nothing is easy. It will never be easy. But able to be happy and put yourself first really put the tension down. It give me better satisfaction and care less what other people think about me.

I feel I'm doing justice for myself now. I am able to forgive myself for mistakes that I as human can't avoid to make. I feel happier accepting me myself as this person that is just human, unique and has her good and bad side. I am gentle to myself in pursuing dreams. All other people voices just shut down now. Finally I am at peace with me. Alhamdulillah.

DEFINING

Life never been static. There will be people challenge your every core of belief and simply annoy you. There will be hurdles,rough edge in every part of life journey.
But I guess I am just content to understand that life is what life supposed to be. I calmer than ever to face it. Not afraid anymore,just getting ready. Maybe there will be some bumpy ride. Hey,it's part of life remember? At least I'm better in facing those now. Yes it is a bit bumpy,but I know I'll get through it with sincere smile now. Praise to Allah for His guidance. Subhanallah...

p/s: Still,I don't like toxic people. Toxic people love to make themselves and other people miserable too. Humph!!

4 comments:

Fatehah Hashim said...

i wanna forgive myself too..but i dunno how...

Koishie said...

anumz,
siang tadi ada bicara tentang SLE oleh teman di lantai pekerjaan. Terkenang kamu. Sungguh, Mudah2an kamu baik2 saja. Doa kesejahteraan buat kamu.. dan aku maksudkan itu.

anumz sarah said...

Fatehah

The truth to forgive yourself is actually to learn accepting the real you.

The good and bad. The best and worst. Admitting the truth about you helps open up the way to be gentle and forgiven.

anumz sarah said...

Koishie,

Terima kasih. Sungguh. Benar2 terima kasih. Ingatan kamu itu cukup bermakna teman. Aku sgt menghargainya. W/u ditelan kesibukan menggila. Hujung pengajian....