I don't know how life can turn very complex. Before all the chaotic SLE life, there this me,a geek at heart who longed for adventures at foreign land. Armed with books,love of people,cultures and deep interest of knowledge.
Now I can't even leave places without the exhaustion. Simple chores and the morning jog that cheers my Sunday morning become a burden. Sometimes I wondered who am I now.
It's like there's pre and post SLE me.
I'm wondering,will every start of new year give me an eventful life or chaos challenges and heartbreaking physical pain on every muscles? Me and pain is like a natural combination of bees and honey.
I'm wondering will the start of December and Awal Muharam(0n 7th December) be a good start or just another typical emotional and physical drain.
I don't know anymore. Before this I am so sure of what I want to be or who I would like to be.
Now, I'm just so unsure. Very unsure.
If there's a box stamped with fragile,well considered it's mine. Hold with care-if you ever care to hold anyway.
What I miss most in life,is my confident to perform well in everything I choose to do. Choosing activities that I like is easy,but choosing what I could manage is hard.
Choices,limited choices. If all of you bloggers,internet wanderers who read my blog and this particular post-know this: I am in a very disastrous mood for unknown causes and wish badly things just turn around and be okay.
But deep in my heart-I know it's my perspective of seeing things could just switch the situation.After 8 years of doing it so( try every time to see things positively,yada yada yada...huh it will make anyone tired you know), I realized there are things in life that I just can't lie to myself.
Pain is still a pain. It hurts badly. Inside and outside. I wish God just make it go away. I prayed and continue praying. Could He please let the pain go?