Sunday, August 29, 2010

HAMBA YG TERUJI

SEMESTER INI

Tahun akhir,semester 7 memberi impak yang sgt besar. Terutama tekanan dari segi pengajian dan proses berulang-alik dari rumah sewa ke kolej. Kesihatan sedikit menurun akibat tekanan yang semakin meningkat.
Sesungguhnya sy benar2 mahu saja tersungkur terus tidak mahu bangun meneruskan perjuangan pengajian. Akibat subjek research yang menelan masa dan sangat menganggu rutin pengajian. Malah ia memberi kesan kepada kesihatan.

Sangat penat dan menyakitkan badan apabila setiap Selasa sy perlu memandu pulang ke rumah. Tepat jam 8 pagi, hari Rabu memandu pula ke PPUM untuk mengedarkan questionnaire kepada responden sehingga jam 2 petang.Dan jam 4 perlu balik semula ke puncak alam untuk pergi ke kelas esok harinya.

Subjek Pharmacokinetics,CVS,Infectious,Pharmaceutics dan International Business juga mempunyai tekanan tersendiri.

Saya sudah tidak punya hati lagi meneruskan kajian di HUKM kerana masa yang suntuk dan tuntutan pengajian yang stress semester ini. Minta maaf Dr. Norella,buat masa ini responden sy tertumpu di PPUM.Terima kasih atas tunjuk ajar doktor selama ini,ia merupakan pengalaman terbaik dan terindah yang pernah sy alami.Terima kasih sekali lagi.


I HATE WHINING

Last whole May, SLE gave me a serious attack. Well,the truth is I usually have attacks every semester. And the lucky thing is,it occurs every semester break. But last May,was the worst. It was unimaginable pain at every muscles and it shattered my spirit a bit,since I always take care of myself quite well before. Fear came and it somehow haunt me for a while.
I am afraid of another attacks and of course my biggest wish is please don't let my vital organs affected.... I can't bear the pain anymore... Plus it is an emotional downturn to be a helpless individual. I need to be able to survive and feed my own. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.

It's hard.... cause I don't usually whine about all the pain,struggle,hardship and chaos when SLE shift it's gear to attack and ruin my entire life. But still,I'm a human being.

When something chronic with unimaginable pain happen to you,it somehow become a private battle. It's you and the disease. No one else.

But the nasty thing is, the disease will give it share of control in your life instead of you alone.And at that time,whether you love it or hate it,people around you will be involve.Watching the one you love most have to struggle with you,is my number one weakness. Cause when I love,I only know how to give.

Even in the worst circumstances,I still don't know how to take or receive.Pity....
ALLAH,PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH...

4 comments:

amal said...

Salam anum...how re u? exhausted? i knw ur feel..dear i dont know u also alwyz get sle attack when sem break...
i just had my iv methprednisolone {wrong spelling i guess} hehe i dnt knw the spellng..sory i had for 3 days continuoulsy but the best thing i can had homeleave after had the iv...
i thnk my sle had attack my kidney and now it stage 4..
i just pray the med are working..

Koishie said...

anumz,
lama aku tidak menyinggah di sini, tetapi aku sentiasa mengingat cerita kamu.

doa kesejahteraan buat kamu. Semoga dipermudahkan walau dengan apa cara... aminn..

anumz sarah said...

salam amal,

I am seriously exhausted.. anum pun br perasan yg time cuti anum selalu kena attack. Dh masuk tahun akhir mama bgtau,asal bila cuti asyik sakit ja...

Amalina,I am praying hard for you dear. It hasn't been easy this past few months.... I barely survive... hopefully i can finished my degree on time. InsyaAllah... The meds will help and our will to survive could empower the meds treatment. Think positive. Allah will be in every steps of your way sayang...

anumz sarah said...

salam koishie,

Anum juga ada ingat pd koishie,malah tertanya-tanya brgkali apa yg sedang kamu lakukan di dunia mu?

Anum masih spt dulu,mengharungi hari2 dgn dugaan dan harapan yg menggunung mahu sembuh. Doakanlah aku sahabat,semoga Allah membalas jasa mu.Amin...